January 20th

It all unraveled last night.

I called her out of courtesy, nothing more. I went to see her and her sister, the distant one. I suggested dinner; she agreed. There were brief hellos and good-byes to her friends, then we were gone in a whirl.

I was wrapped up inside myself, as I often am. She did not stop talking; her past, her lovers, the future she was seeking. Glasses of wine and other liquors flowed. I was surprised at how much she drank, though she claimed this was not one of her usual habits. Eventually, I opened up a little, mentioned a lost lover far away.

We walked through blackened streets. By instinct, I reached out to touch her, half-expecting rejection. We had talked of merely staying friends. Unsteadily, we fell into one another. A doorway, a caress, the moonlight captured in her eyes, the stars floating above us, her limbs encircling me.

What have I done?